4 Practical Steps to Regain Your Confidence at Work If It’s Shattered

by nukhba khan

Reading Time: 8 mins

If you have a horrible boss or unrealistic demands at work, it can really damage your spirit and confidence. We are humans, and we thrive on the feeling that we are contributing, being productive, and getting recognition for our efforts. Hence, a job is much more than just paying the bills.

How confidence gets shattered.

I had a massive confidence-shattering experience when I started a new job. I had landed my dream job, and I was excited to do my best to prove that they had hired the right person. Unfortunately, life dealt me a nasty hand, and I was working under a rotten manager. It was only my second week on the new job, and I was given a project with a very tight deadline. And even though I was still learning and trying to make sense of the new business, I was excited and ready to do my best. When I reviewed my presentation with my new boss, let’s just say that he ripped it apart. I felt so ashamed. (It still shakes me to this day when I think about the incident). I was clearly not being set up for success. But at the time, I blamed myself and started doubting if I could even do this job.

This wasn’t a one-off experience. No matter how hard I tried, it was never good enough for my boss. I was sure they would let me go. I was disappointed with my performance and wanted to quit myself. I hated it so much.

Towards the end of my probationary period, I heard that my boss had decided to leave the company for a different job! I couldn’t believe it. And at the same time, I was pretty sure my boss would inform the person taking her place that I was not a higher performer. But working only a couple of weeks under the new manager, she decided I was competent enough to pass probation.

My new boss was amazing. And though it took several months to regain my confidence, I learned a lot about how to put my confidence back in place.

It can be soul-crushing when your boss tells you that your work is not good enough or your coworkers make you feel that you are not competent. It doesn’t matter if you think you are capable of adding value. Your confidence shatters when you have a bad work experience and constantly receive negative feedback. You become unsure of your own capabilities. And that is not a good place to be in. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be this way. There are ways to regain confidence and realize that you are the boss of your life. And I am going to show you the 4 key steps on how to build back your confidence.

Confidence How to Build it Back

STEP 1: OBJECTIVE ANALYSIS OF THE SITUATION

The toxic environment chipping away at your confidence can sometimes feel out of your control. But how you think and how you react is still under your control.

You have to start looking at your situation more objectively and ask yourself, is it really about you? Are there external factors in play that have nothing to do with your abilities and performance?

Is your boss insecure and trying to prove their worth by crushing yours?

Does your team need a scapegoat to blame for poor results?

Is it the company culture that endorses bad behaviour?

Does the coworker have anger issues and hate most people at work, not just you?

Are the work expectations unrealistic to begin with?

Is your boss a narcissist that has always treated his direct reports inappropriately?

When you are trying to regain your confidence, your first job is to evaluate the countless external reasons crushing your spirit. And don’t make it personal when it isn’t.

So, what external factors in your situation are shattering your confidence?

STEP 2: OBJECTIVE ANALYSIS OF YOURSELF

If your confidence has taken a hit because of external reasons, it is also likely that you are constantly second-guessing yourself. So, it’s time to evaluate what role you are playing in all this?

Honestly, ask yourself how much of what you are feeling is a result of outside pressure and how much of it might be your own doing.

Is your inside voice always undermining your worth and questioning your abilities?

Are you always holding other people’s opinions about you as the truth?

Are there some areas that you do need to improve? (Whether they are personal development lessons or new skills, sometimes there are things we need to improve).

These powerful questions will help you see the things in your control and what YOU can change to help you regain confidence.

It is critical to realize that external factors are often beyond your control. But, what you do control is how you handle the work atmosphere that is crushing your confidence. Do you make it worse for yourself, or do you try to manage and address it the best you can?

Step 3: PIECING IT TOGETHER

The steps above will help you get a holistic understanding of both the external and internal factors that are hurting your confidence. Knowing what you now know, let’s summarize the causes for your confidence problem. And then, you have to come up with a few ideas for what you could do differently to address the issue.

This is how it’s done.

Fill in the blanks with your input.

My confidence is getting shattered at work because __________ (your external factor).

But when I look at it objectively, it’s actually not personal. Rather the issue is that __________ (why someone is behaving a certain way or why something is the way it is).

I am also making things worse by __________ (your internal factor).But if I made an effort to __________ (your mindset change, development, improvement, learning), I believe it would help me to start feeling confident again.

For example:

My confidence is getting shattered at work because my boss constantly tells me that my work is not good enough. But when I look at it objectively, it’s actually not personal. Rather, my boss is always focusing on my faults and refuses to recognize the hard work and determination I bring to the table.

And it’s just not my boss. I am also making things worse by believing that my boss’s opinion about me is the truth. So I constantly doubt myself and my abilities. If I made an effort to 1. be kinder to myself, 2. try to stand up for myself more in front of my boss, 3. regularly remind myself of my strengths and successes, I believe this would help me feel confident again.

Once you know all the factors shattering your confidence and have brainstormed ideas of what changes you need to make, you are ready to commit and take action.

Step 4: MAKE A COMMITMENT

In steps 1 & 2, you identified all the factors hurting your confidence. In step 3, you laid out a few things that you can do differently to help regain your confidence. Now it’s time for you to commit to doing what you are responsible for and let the rest go.

Yes, it takes emotional strength, but you know you are a strong and capable person deep down. It’s time for you to call on that and get back on your feet. Stay centred, and don’t allow others to sway you from believing in yourself. You have to commit to doing what is necessary.

Make the commitment to do whatever it takes for you to bring back your confidence. Perhaps even find a person who can hold you accountable and mentor you through this journey of putting your trust back in place.

Additional Tips for Boosting Confidence

Confidence is a skill, and if you feel you have lost it, you have to rebuild it. You have to go after it. You cannot wait for things to change, like your job or your boss, so you can get your confidence back.

Here are some simple ways to start feeling more confident.

BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE-BOOSTING “SUCCESS FILE”

A success file is an inventory of your big and small accomplishments and proud moments in your life. Having a handy “success file” is a super easy technique to help you recognize and become more aware of your strengths.

I personally start my day looking at my “success list, giving me a little boost of confidence right from the get-go. And during the day, if I find myself engaging in negative self-talk, I stop and refer to my list. It naturally shuts the negative chatter and helps me feel more confident.

Jot down 8-10 things that make you feel proud and good about yourself. The list does not have to be all professional; it’s good to have your personal accomplishments included as well.

You can include: kudos emails from your managers or coworkers, challenges you have overcome, thank you notes sent to you, personal milestones reached, friends and family members you have supported, praise from your loved ones, fantastic performance reviews, etc.

DISPLAY YOUR WORTH

To be confident at work, you have to feel confident. But how do you feel it when it’s not there? Well, friends, the old cliche phrase comes into play here; you gotta “fake it till you make it.”

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Have a good posture. Stand tall and take up space.
Make eye contact with people. Smile.
Don’t fidget too much.
Speak slowly and clearly.
Use hand gestures carefully and minimally to show confidence, certainty, and power.
Don’t cross your arms.

CONFIDENCE AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations are a powerful and quick way to start believing in yourself. Affirmations help counter-argue the negative voices in your head that get activated when you lack confidence at work.

Here are 5 affirmations for confidence that you can start repeating every morning and night. You will be surprised by the difference these can make in your confidence levels.

I am capable, I am confident, and I am empowered.
My ability to conquer challenges is limitless. My ability to succeed is infinite.
External forces cannot dampen my resilient spirit.
I love who I am inside and out. And I love myself more and more because I keep learning, growing, and pushing myself to become a better, more confident version of myself.
I trust myself to do my best, and I am not afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes help me learn and grow to be even stronger and more confident in life.

Final Thoughts on How to Gain Confidence

Confidence is so crucial in life. It not only feels good, but it can have a massive impact on your life. It helps you set and achieve your big goals in life. When you are confident, you expect and demand more for yourself, and people follow your lead. Without confidence, you live small - and you won’t be happy doing that.

Knowing how important confidence is in life cannot be taken lightly. When you feel your confidence is being eroded for whatever reason, you have to step in and take responsibility no matter how impossible it feels. You have to fight to get your confidence back so you can have a career that you aspire for: where you are heard, seen, and valued.

P.S. Want to learn a really cool step-by-step method to better control your feelings and emotions at work? And finally, stop letting external things, people, events, situations dictate how you feel?

👇Download👇the free guide: 5-Step Guide to Becoming a Happier You at Work

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