How to Effectively Figure Out The Limiting Beliefs That Hold You Back in Life

Do you wonder how some people effectively achieve their goals and success, while some stay stuck dreaming big dreams but can’t make them a reality? Both have goals. So why can one do it and not the other?

The answer is limiting beliefs.

Those who stay stuck have self-limiting beliefs that hold them back from moving forward with full force. They think about what-ifs and get paralyzed by them. And those who do make dreams come true believe in themselves and house powerful and empowering beliefs in their mind to keep propelling forward, even when they make mistakes or fail.

MY QUESTION TO YOU IS THIS: Do you think you have the potential, but some INVISIBLE FORCE gets in the way and holds you back from going full force to achieve the things you want at work or in life?

Because if that’s you, you have to prioritize figuring out the self-limiting belief that keeps you stuck and not allowing you to live your true potential. And, I have a fantastic process for you to uncover limiting beliefs.

But before I share that with you, let’s first understand what exactly are limiting beliefs and where they come from.

You are only confined by the walls you build for yourself - Andrew Murphy. Life Transformation Coach. Confidence Coach. Work Life Balance. Mindset Mentor

What Are Self-Limiting Beliefs?

Beliefs are primarily the thoughts you repeatedly think that become your truth. These beliefs can be thoughts that you came up with yourself or others said something to you, and you believed it to be true. It doesn’t matter if it is true or false; what matters is that it was repeated in your mind, and you kept finding proof to validate it - it’s easy to find evidence when you are looking for it.

So your limiting belief is a false belief you innocently created in your head, and now it’s sitting deep in your mind, and you think/believe it’s true because it has become so deeply imprinted in you that you don’t even stop to question it. Well, you might now even know that it’s there.

Examples of Limiting Beliefs

I am not good enough / I am not loveable / I am not worthy
it’s possible for them, not for me
I Have to Fix or Change ______ Before I Can _______
I don’t have enough time/money/energy
Things just don’t work out for me
I will probably fail
I can’t ask for what I want because I may get rejected
I can’t be my authentic self, or I’ll be judged
No one will listen to me or care about what I have to say
I am not good with money
I can’t make money doing what I love
I don’t have enough experience

Where do Limiting Beliefs Come From?

Our core beliefs are formed in our childhood, and we continue to manifest them throughout our lives. Some beliefs continue to develop based on newer experiences too.

Limiting beliefs develop when you, as a child or even as a young adult, interpret your experiences, what people are saying, and how they behave to mean either a good or bad thing, i.e., you draw conclusions and make it mean something.

These interpretations or thoughts that you think set the foundation for your belief. And throughout life, you subconsciously keep trying to validate the hypothesis by filtering only information into your awareness that matches those beliefs, which is why we feel so strongly about our opinions.

THESE BELIEFS END UP INFLUENCING THE WAY YOU THINK AND ULTIMATELY THE OUTCOMES OR RESULTS YOU CREATE IN YOUR LIFE.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s imagine a 6-year-old Emma, and one day she hears her school teacher tell her parents that she is more of a follower than a leader.

Innocently Emma might hear this, never bring it up or talk about it with her parents or anyone but accept this as the truth: She is a follower and cannot be a leader.

What do you think will happen when Emma grows up and is given an opportunity to be a leader in her organization?

This limiting belief will trigger her to think she can’t do it, i.e., be a leader. She subconsciously believes that she is not a leader material even though she has a great talent to be a leader. But because of her limiting belief, she will never be the confident leader that she can be. Do you see how this works?

The beliefs you create innocently as a child get so ingrained in your brain that you don’t stop to question them as an adult. And, because we don’t examine if they are true or false, they become facts of life.

THEY BECOME YOUR FACTS OF LIFE. YOUR TRUTH.

How to Uncover Your Limiting Beliefs

The STOP METHOD: This is by far the most robust approach to uncovering limiting beliefs if you are doing it on your own.

Step 1: STORIES IN YOUR HEAD

Step 2: TIME TRAVEL

Step 3: OUTRAGEOUS REASONING

Step 4: PUTTING IT TOGETHER

To get the best results from this STOP method, I’d suggest picking one specific scenario where you feel you lack confidence or where you feel stuck.

STEP 1: STORIES

Sit with a piece of paper and pen and write down all the thoughts and stories that come to mind in your chosen scenario.

Get specific and maybe think back to a moment at work or in life when you faced that scenario. What were the voices in your head saying? Write down all the limiting and self-doubting thoughts that come to mind, jot them all down.

This exercise is only a fact-finding mission so write them without judgment or blame. As if you’re analyzing the situation from the outside.

If you find it hard to come up with the limiting stories that normally come to mind, try some journaling. You can start by thinking about the scenario you have chosen when you feel stuck and start by writing: I can’t do X (the scenario you have picked) because __________

Write down all the reasons that come to mind as quickly as possible, without judging how valid they are.

STEP 2: TRAVELLING BACK IN TIME

As the name suggests, you now have to do a little time travel back to your early years.

I mentioned before that many of our self-limiting beliefs are formed early in life. So, to uncover the source of your limiting belief, it is essential to go back and make notes on your early experiences.

Here are some prompts to help you reflect:

Describe your upbringing: What were your parents or caregivers like? How did they treat you and how did they make you feel? What did they teach you about life? What big life lessons did you learn from them. What did they make you believe about what’s possible in life and what isn’t, what you’re capable of, and what you’re not.

Were you ever told you can’t do something or people like us can never do that?

What about outside your home, like school, neighborhood, extended family, or religious institutions? What did they teach you about yourself and the world?

Did your gender, physical appearance, economic status, ethnicity, etc. impact your sense of possibility?

As a child, in what areas did you feel confident, and which ones made you feel less confident? And why?

Did anything happen in the past that caused you to doubt yourself or not feel good enough?

This exercise is really to uncover something that happened in the past that stops you from believing in yourself.

Sometimes the belief is subconsciously buried deep and requires a little bit of extra digging. So, please don’t give up trying to find it! Just know that your mind knows exactly where the problem started.

STEP 3: OUTRAGEOUS REASONING

The next step is to look for patterns between the two sets of notes, Stories/thoughts you wrote in step 1, and your notes about your childhood in step 2.

Try to locate the cause and effect. Where are the thoughts you put down in step 1 coming from? Did something happen at school? At home? Something parents said, or your teacher, or friends, or siblings did or said?

For example, one of my thoughts (from step 1) was that I am not confident at work because everyone else is so much more competent and I can never be as good. And in my time travel, it was clear that growing up, I felt I didn’t belong and did not fit in with my sisters because I was not good enough. And well, obviously I didn’t fit in their jam because they were teenagers when I was five!

The cause: I don’t belong, or I don’t fit in because I am not good enough,

The effect: I felt I did not belong at work because I was not good enough or as competent as my other colleagues. Which killed my confidence and ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

STEP 4: PUTTING IT TOGETHER

So now you have the limiting thought or belief + the memory that possibly explains why you think the way you do. Now all you have to do is summarize and put it all together.

When i was _______ years old, this happened: ___________, which led me to believe ___________. And now when I have to do ___________ that belief makes me think ___________ and i feel ___________.

For example:

When I was five years old, my sisters didn’t want to play with me and spend time with me, which led me to believe that I am not good enough and don’t belong with them. And now, at my job and in my life, that belief makes me think I am not good enough or I don’t have what it takes, and it makes me feel I don’t have the confidence to succeed.

AND VOILA! You have the limiting belief that holds you back in life and work.

Final Thoughts

Identifying and transforming limiting beliefs requires a lot of commitment. But if you do the inner work, then the freedom you get at the other end is worth the effort. Just imagine how liberating it would be to start believing in yourself, believing you have what it takes to reach your infinite potential and live your best life.

Now identifying and becoming aware of limiting beliefs is only step one. Next, you have to start rewiring your brain to change how you have been programmed to think for years. To complete the process, head to my blog on How to effectively overcome the limiting beliefs that hold you back in life.

Good Luck!