7 Effective and Powerful Ways to Deal with a Difficult or an Incompetent Boss
7 Effective and Powerful Ways to Deal with A Difficult or An Incompetent Boss
by Nukhba Khan
Your boss can make or break you at work. Yup, that’s right, they do hold that power … but only if you let them.
I ‘unfortunately’ have had the experience of reporting to someone who made my work and ultimately my life a living hell. And back then, I was not equipped to deal with such types of managers.
My boss crushed my self-esteem and self-worth, and it honestly took years to rebuild my confidence levels.
The universe seriously works in mysterious ways. On the one hand, I had finally landed my dream job, and I was beyond ecstatic and ready to do whatever it takes to excel in my brand new shiny role. But then I was also dealt with a narcissistic and a busy bee boss in this new role. What could I do?
Well, as a newbie in the organization, I took it all too personally. I thought it was all because of me. Maybe I was too incompetent for this role. Perhaps I was not learning fast enough. Maybe I didn’t have it in me to handle my dream job. And I had zero guts and was too new to bring it up with anybody to understand if it was me or if something was seriously wrong with my boss.
A month into the job, I wanted to quit and run. It started taking a significant toll on my personal life. Because I did not know how to manage my work situation, I allowed all the misery, anxiety, and stress to be carried home with me. But it was my dream job! And I didn’t have the heart to give up on my dreams … as yet.
I think it was after a good 5-6 months of my soul-crushing experience that I decided to take a more assertive approach to handle my challenging boss.
I am going to share every detail of what I did to manage upward successfully. But, first, let me be clear it did take a ton of resiliency on my part. But if you are like me, who is working in that perfect dream role and has the drive to make it work with your boss, then my 3-STEP APPROACH can give you THE STRATEGY to better manage your relationship with your boss and ultimately change your work-life.
STEP 1: Sharpen Your Awareness
1. UNDERSTAND YOUR BOSS
The best way to manage upward is to start treating your boss as a client. You have to figure out how to deal with a difficult client to survive and get ahead because, honestly, you have no choice.
To figure out how to deal with this challenging personality is to get to know this person better than they even know themselves.
Here are a few questions to help you better understand your manager:
What do they care about?
What are they threatened by, or what keeps them awake at night?
Are they dealing with anything, both professionally or personally, that might be contributing to how they are treating you? For example, are they feeling pressured at their job?
Do they have a lousy manager to deal with themselves?
What do success and failure mean for them? How do they measure a professional win?
What are their career aspirations?
What is their motivation behind how they behave and act with you? For example, maybe they are okay with you coming in later and staying longer in the evening but don’t like you to do that because it makes their team look sloppy in front of other team members?
Once you genuinely make an effort to understand your boss better, it helps you be more empathetic and/or enables you to know how to best deal with them to keep your sanity.
2. UNDERSTAND YOURSELF
While you understand your boss better, it is also essential to better understand your ‘own’ limits and triggers when dealing with this challenging boss. So you know what you can push yourself to put up with and what are the BIG NOs in different situations. This will also help you increase your resiliency too.
For example, suppose your boss does ‘x,’ and you start getting frustrated and angry, thinking there he goes again, ruining your life. But if you are aware of your limits and mindful, you can step in and say: hey, I decided to be okay with these types of situations so let’s not get overwhelmed and just let it go.
Another thing to explore and ask yourself is whether you are doing something that is causing your boss to behave in the way they do. But, again, be careful when you do this because it is a natural tendency to take the blame. I did. You have to look at the situation extremely rationally.
Once you have a better understanding of both yourself and your boss, you are ready to move on to step 2 and learn the different ways on how to better deal with your boss. And because you now know your boss inside out ;) you can pick and choose the method that will work best for you.
STEP 2: Grab the Bad Boss by the Horns
1.DON’T LET IT AFFECT YOUR WORK
If it is in any way possible, don’t let your boss’s behavior or comments get in the way of you producing quality work.
It is tempting to lose interest, slack off, avoid difficult tasks and not perform your best when dealing with a notorious boss. But you cannot damage your personal brand because of your boss. Keep focusing on performance because even if your boss does not recognize your efforts, your peers and the management team are likely to observe. It can set you apart from the rest on how you deal with your demanding boss. So try and stay engaged and upbeat at the office.
I will be the first to admit that if your boss is constantly undermining the quality of your work, it can crush your confidence, and it can become challenging to keep pushing out good work. Heck, you are likely second-guessing yourself in everything. If this is your situation, then I highly recommend the next tactic for you.
2.HAVE ‘THE’ CONVERSATION
I know that it can be one heck of an awkward conversation. But it can also be totally worth it. I think this is the single most effective tactic if done tactfully.
So here is the spiel, while openness and honesty are great and healthy in all relationships, but you have to tread with more caution in a professional setting.
If you have had enough and believe that having ‘THE’ conversation with your boss needs to happen, you have to prepare well and choose your words and what you have to say very thoughtfully. If you come off as whiny or disrespectful, it can increase the tension between you and your supervisor.
What I’d suggest is to have the conversation but make it about work and performance. This ensures that you are coming off as professional and effective in making your case. So avoid highlighting their personality or your problem in dealing with them, but focus on talking about work and what you need to be more successful in your job and as a team member.
3. KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES
In stage one, we discussed understanding yourself and your limits regarding your boss and your work. Once you know these limits, you have to start placing firm boundaries and practice distancing yourself from the unlikable behavior of your boss.
4. DON’T ASSUME THEY KNOW EVERYTHING
This is so important, and I wish I knew this when I was in the thick of things. But, you see, just because someone has a manager job title and authority does not, I repeat, does not always imply they know the answer or have the experiences for everything.
And because they are not all-knowing, I think it is worth mentioning here to keep detailed records of all your communications and overarching transcripts of your meetings and discussions. I believe life is full of uncertainty, and as is your relationship with your boss. This is only a precautionary step in case you are put under the radar. This is not to be used for threatening your manager, but only to protect yourself.
5. KNOW HOW TO HANDLE DISAGREEMENTS
It’s easy to feel intimidated by strong personalities. And there will be disagreements and sometimes uncomfortable conversations, especially if your boss undermines your worth and criticizes you. But when it comes to your boss, and because your career is on the line, you have to learn to stand tall and keep your head high.
You have to learn not to get pushed over and under by your boss. But standing tall does not mean you are contentious. Instead, it means that you focus on asking questions and seek to understand why your boss might disagree with you or undermine your work. I know it’s hard to do initially, but it does get easier. And if you push back firmly, you will also notice that your boss will also likely become less aggressive around you too.
6. BE A BETTER LEADER
Another thing you can try to learn more and adapt to is your bosses working style. This will help you communicate better with your boss and help you be seen and heard by your boss. So look at how they like to process information and make decisions. Do they like to communicate over email or via a quick meeting? Do they prefer regular check-ins or a more hands-off approach?
Understanding their working style will also help you identify any weaknesses, and working around them to support them will also make you a valuable asset. And even if you don’t reap the rewards of this in the short term, you are learning excellent leadership skills for your future success.
7. AVOID DISCUSSING YOUR BOSS WITH CO-WORKERS
I understand that it’s crucial and necessary to talk to someone about your complicated relationship with your boss. However, it’s imperative to avoid talking about it with other co-workers. Talking about it with co-workers only heightens the negative feelings you are already feeling at work.
Also, when you discuss it with family and friends, make sure you choose the person who will be supportive in helping you and not fueling more fire into your situation.
STEP THREE: Re-Assess your situation
If you have tried everything to close the gap between you and your difficult boss and nothing seems to be working, and maybe things are getting worse, then it’s time to consider other options.
It’s just not worth staying when you are that miserable.
But only you and you alone can make that decision. So see if you can schedule in a day or two to really assess your situation and have a heart-to-heart with yourself. Is the stress and overwhelm worth it? Is the job affecting your personal life and health? Is the boss a minor setback in a career you love, or is it costing you wasting your precious time and life?
And if you do decide that quitting is the best solution, then wholeheartedly give yourself permission to make that change and know that your fulfilling job with a fantastic boss is out there for you.
Final Thoughts
A lousy boss can make your work-life a nightmare. Truly. A bad boss can suck out all the joy and happiness from what could be an incredible job. But alas, most times, we can’t control who ends up being our boss.
However, having worked with many less than ideal managers has helped me learn many essential leadership skills and what not to do when managing others. There is always tons of learning from bad experiences. Right?
But we cannot stay stuck in bad situations. So if you have a lousy boss, you have two options.
Learn the ways to manage them better.
OR
If your bad boss is costing you your career, and causing you to stress not just at work but at home as well, then it might be time to start planning your exit strategy.
The bottom line is that we will have to encounter different and difficult personalities at work. That is inevitable. But you and you alone have the responsibility for your success at work and in life, and you have to make decisions that are right for you.
YOU GOT THIS!
P.S. Want to learn a really cool step-by-step method to better control your feelings and emotions at work? And finally, stop letting external things, people, events, situations dictate how you feel?
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MEET NUKHBA
Hey there, I am Nukhba, a Life Transformation Coach and Mindset Mentor.
I coach women in high-demand careers how to tackle and better manage their work stressors and self-doubts so they can confidently start to enjoy work and restore a sense of calm in their lives.
I know too well that if your work-life is not a happy place, it becomes challenging to be content outside of work also, and chances are you start to hate your life.
I believe we all have the power to live life with more ease and joy.
This blog serves as a space for all things balance, personal empowerment, upgrading habits & beliefs, happier lifestyle and more.